A toxic mix of extremely violent youth care system, far-right foster parents, religious fanaticism, and imposed gender violence throughout most of my childhood ultimately became too much for me. Besides the lasting physical injuries I sustained, this largely determined my life, though I would have preferred it to be very different.

It is partly visible in much of my work, including the way in which I was harshly judged later in life, particularly by the Dutch government, for the complex consequences of my time in the youth care system especially in  gender and identity. Many images I created about this are confrontational and unpleasant. But that is precisely what it was and how it was experienced.

Between 2020 and 2023, I made approximately 1200 drawings about institutional violence and historical injustice, to depict, process, and hopefully, for the first time, communicate. To my disappointment, these many works could not be exhibited anywhere. Only the work "Violence in  the Youth Care system" in mixed media (179 x 78 cm, 2021) was shown during the exhibition On the Edge in Maastricht in 2022. This is all the more painful because the real story, of which there are still several witnesses, could not be told, while the foster mother who seriously abused three children received a royal honor from the Dutch State  in the meantime.

I've now had more than forty years to process all of this, piecemeal, and creativity has repeatedly proven to be my greatest ally. I tried to capture what thousands of children, like me, experienced in striking, unforgettable images. Until I finally gave up.

But I'm still searching. No longer for a place to exhibit, but for what I would truly like to portray. This change coincided with embracing minimalism, a life filled with sports, creativity, and the search for meaning. It wasn't communication that became important, but the process of creating something you enjoy. And exhibiting is no longer a priority for me. I canceled my webshop and memberships at places like SoHo Galleri in Sweden.

I learned that drawing outdoors was wonderful! Capturing the landscape through my eyes and hands on canvas or paper felt like a much greater connection with the landscape. Watercolor and pastel turned out to be my favorites. I eventually took yet another new path, using multimedia, adding video, spoken word, and sound. I love experimenting—to see what it becomes, or can become.

I give the child parts of myself—Tim, Alex, and Jimmy11—space to exist, which is also visible in their creativity. We are slowly developing in this and see nature as a guide, always inspiring and changing in color. Follow this new path through this website!