THE COUNTER-ARCHIVE

As a child, I  never existed in this country. To the Dutch  youth care system, I was a number, an object  that had to be violently fitted into the government's mold. The state did not only steal my boyhood but also deliberately stripped my gender, sexuality and identity. They took my home, my  parents and family from me, and society looked away. Moreover, the youth care organization was fully aware of almost 14 years of systemic violence and gender based torture and even encouraged it.  The official complaint of my brother and me in 1996, within the statute of limitations,  was dismissed by the Public Prosecutor  with a  so called "sepot 41", the case was too little to investigate.  Nevertheless, I had not wished for the foster parents to end up in prison—revenge and hatred solve nothing.

But, protected by the Dutch state, one year earlier, in 1995 the foster mother who severely abused my brothers and me was honored with a golden state medal  in the Order of Orange - Nassau. The  1986 police violence, only six years after my escape from foster care demonstrates the hate policy pursued against people who are marginalized, voiceless, and cannot or are not allowed to associate. There has not been any reparative or restorative justice, rehabilitation,  protection or support from the state. Every day of my life is a struggle, a trigger. Every day of my life, since I was a small child,  I feel injured and without access to mental health care and diversity organizations in my country,  creativity became  the only place to exist.

With this archive I give back to society what the state gave me:  seventeen years (1964–1981) of unseen experiences of state - sanctioned violence including  systemic violence, imposed gender issues, long- term confinement in the dark,  severe  dehumanization and  a decade of  gender based torture and gender  threats.   Section #3 of the archive documents the violence by the Dutch police (1986).  

The archive is non- linear; it's like a  puzzle with (too)  many pieces that cannot be clearly placed in one spot—the puzzle pieces fit into multiple puzzles at the same time and are layered in the past and present at the same time, demonstrating  the complexity of daily life.   This collection of about 600 works (2019–2025, including remnants of the past (1992-1997)) is my counter-archive.

Lived experiences

The experiences documented in this archive have been recognized by Schadefonds Geweldsmisdrijven (category of most severe victims of violence), Nationale Ombudsman and Pleegzorg Nederland  between 2018 and 2020.  However  it was concealed again, which is why I made this archive public. The archive is a visual testimony alongside the books Gepleegd and Hoe word ik Tim? published under the pseudonym Jasper Heijting.